My husband went to breakfast with his best friend this morning. They haven’t seen each other in 6 months, so I was glad that they did. Being the introvert that I am, I was also glad for the time alone. But then it occurred to me, what am I going to eat for breakfast? I could go grab take out or to the local breakfast fast food place. My husband texted me that our favorite bakery/cafe had a key lime pie doughnuts on special. Key lime is my favorite. This place is about 15 minutes away from my house, so driving there and driving home to eat seemed silly, since the rest of my breakfast would be cold by the time I got home. There was one problem. Eating alone somewhere triggers my anxiety hardcore. I thought this might not be a good idea. Then I reminded myself that I’ve been working on my anxiety. If I stayed home, the anxiety won. If I didn’t, it could bring on an anxiety attack.
So I did the scary thing. I checked to make sure my anxiety meds were in my bag and brought a book. I drove there, took a deep breath, and walked in. I got the last doughnut. The girl at the pastry counter was a tad bit judgemental (and this is not me being anxious). When I go with my husband, they ask if we want our pastries for there or to go, but she saw me alone and packed it up in a to go container and told me I was all set. I looked at that doughnut in its to go container and considered paying and leaving. Maybe I should just take my shame and go. Then I remembered this was an exercise in challenging my anxiety. I smiled and said I’d like to order more please. She waved me on down the line toward the cash register, where you order your hot food and drinks. I ordered myself a latte and some fancy toast. I thought about sitting at the bar and hiding amongst the other people eating alone. I decided to sit at a table instead. It was right in the middle, in a high traffic area. I sat there waiting for my order and read. I’d look up every so often and no one was staring. The rude girl from the beginning was off working. When they called my name for my order, I got my food and ate. I continued to read my book.
I can’t say I was 100% comfortable. When I felt really uncomfortable, I dug my head deeper into my book. Ultimately, there was no anxiety attack, but I think I need to do this a few more times before it becomes enjoyable. But for me, it was a big step. It’s a step that I will take again. I’ve spent a lot of time allowing my anxiety to rule my life. I’m ready for that to be less of a thing.
